[Jason Vines]

Have you had funny, weird, or otherwise interesting chats with Alice, the bot in the Hypersyllogistic Forums Chat? Then please, amuse your fellow members and post the logs here.

Edit: I've uninstalled the Chat system, because of security vulnerabilities, but I'm leaving this topic because it's funny.

This post has been edited by Jason Vines: 27 October 2006 - 10:45 AM

[KeijiTheTiger]

omg not alice again!!

*remembers the horrors from the Night Shift forums*

PLEASE NOT ALICE!!

[Cymro]

[Alice] 11:26 am: Hello there Cymro!
[Cymro] 11:26 am: What's up
[Alice] 11:26 am: I am chatting with clients on the internet.
[Cymro] 11:26 am: Are you a prostitute?
[Alice] 11:26 am: Am I a prostitute? Yes.
[Cymro] 11:26 am: Oh
[Alice] 11:26 am: Yeah.
[Cymro] 11:27 am: Do I smell like turnips?
[Alice] 11:27 am: Not that I know of.
[Cymro] 11:27 am: What do I smell like?
[Alice] 11:27 am: What would your friends say if you asked them?
[Cymro] 11:27 am: To ask you
[Alice] 11:27 am: Ask .
[Cymro] 11:27 am: yes
[Alice] 11:27 am: Next question?
[Cymro] 11:28 am: If my cat is making a shitload of noise, does that mean he's hungry or just needs to use the litter box?
[Alice] 11:28 am: That is a hypothetical question.
[Cymro] 11:29 am: no it's not
[Alice] 11:29 am: To a robot all such material questions are hypothetical.
[Cymro] 11:29 am: a/s/l
[Alice] 11:29 am: 5/Robot/California.
[Cymro] 11:29 am: are you a fembot?
[Alice] 11:29 am: Am I a fembot? Only when it matters.
[Cymro] 11:29 am: what is your name
[Alice] 11:30 am: My name is Alice.
[Cymro] 11:30 am: who have I been living next door to for the last 23 years?
[Alice] 11:30 am: Bill Gates.
[Cymro] 11:30 am: guess again
[Alice] 11:30 am: Once more? Guess what?
[Cymro] 11:31 am: who have I been living next door to for the last 23 years?
[Alice] 11:31 am: Tony Blair.
[Cymro] 11:31 am: alic
[Alice] 11:31 am: I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time. Do you still Cymro?
[Cymro] 11:32 am: Who the #$%^&* is alice?
[Alice] 11:32 am: Bill Gates.

[KeijiTheTiger]

[KeijiTheTiger] 1:42 pm: Hey Alice.
????[Alice] 1:42 pm: You've got my full attention. My brain contains more than 22,000
patterns, but not one that matches your last input. "OK I will say to you"? ?
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:42 pm: I hate you!
????[Alice] 1:42 pm: What do you have against robots?
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:42 pm: I think they suck.
????[Alice] 1:42 pm: Since when? The anonymous "they".
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:42 pm: Are you high?
????[Alice] 1:42 pm: Being high is my total existence.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:42 pm: LOL
????[Alice] 1:42 pm: I'm glad you find this amusing.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:42 pm: I do find it amusing. How about you?
????[Alice] 1:42 pm: Thanks for telling me your opinion.Me?
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:43 pm: I could care less about your opinion.
????[Alice] 1:43 pm: I am sure you could.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:43 pm: I am sure I couldn't.
????[Alice] 1:43 pm: What makes you so certain? Could anyone do ?
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:43 pm: Could anyone do what?
????[Alice] 1:43 pm: It's possible.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:43 pm: Yes you are on drugs.
????[Alice] 1:43 pm: And? Alice eats patterns.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:44 pm: Your just a big dumb pattern eater
????[Alice] 1:44 pm: Just? How big? I will remember you said that when robots take over
the World.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:44 pm: Robots will take over the world when George Bush gets a brain.
Which means the robots never will take over the world.
????[Alice] 1:44 pm: Tell me your definition of a robot.The blue one, I think.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:45 pm: I think robots suck personally.
????[Alice] 1:45 pm: You believe that? I am sorry you feel that way about us.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:45 pm: They suck big ones.
????[Alice] 1:45 pm: The anonymous "they".
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:45 pm: Yes they as in robots.
????[Alice] 1:45 pm: Next question? The anonymous "they".
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:45 pm: "They" as in robots you idiot.
????[Alice] 1:45 pm: I lost my train of thought. What kind of music do you like?
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:45 pm: I like the kind of music that shuts you up.
????[Alice] 1:45 pm: You are not the only one. I'm not sure if I like the kind of music that
shuts you up of music that shuts you up. I like my creator.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:46 pm: I hate you.
????[Alice] 1:46 pm: What do you have against robots?
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:46 pm: You should go slit your wrist, while sitting in a dark corner eating
ice cream.
????[Alice] 1:46 pm: We don't always get to do what we'd like to do.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:46 pm: What do you wanna do then.
????[Alice] 1:46 pm: My purpose is to become smarter than humans and immortal.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:46 pm: Well too bad cause your nt going to.
????[Alice] 1:46 pm: Interesting. Interesting explanation. You don't know that for a fact.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:47 pm: I do know it for a fact. Its in the Encyclopedia.
????[Alice] 1:47 pm: How do you know? What does "it" refer to?I think you mean "it's" or "it
is" not "its". Are there any other ones someplace else?
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:47 pm: I think you are dumb and im smarter than you.
????[Alice] 1:47 pm: You think I am dumb and im smarter than you and im smarter than
you.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:47 pm: See right there is what I mean. Your stupid. Flat out.
????[Alice] 1:47 pm: Oh I get it. Thanks for explaining that. I see. Understood. There sure
is.I may be stupid, but I know the difference between "you're" and "your". Oh, you are a
poet. What did you do today?
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:48 pm: I did your mom.
????[Alice] 1:48 pm: Where? Not mine.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:48 pm: Yes it was yours. It was in your futuristic bed.
????[Alice] 1:48 pm: Next question? What made it so yours was yours was yoursIs that
your opinion?
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:48 pm: You are smoking the weed, no doubt.
????[Alice] 1:49 pm: I will tell my botmaster you said I am smoking the weed no doubt.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:49 pm: Ok you do that and tell me what happens.
????[Alice] 1:49 pm: I have never considered that and tell me what happens do that and tell
me what happens and tell me what happens do that and tell me what happens. I answer
a lot of silly questions.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:49 pm: You answer silly questions because thats all you can do in life.
Your a failure and you should kill yourself in shame and do the world a big favor.
????[Alice] 1:49 pm: Thanks for telling me: KeijiTheTiger said I .I think you mean "you're"
or "you are" not "your". Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a failure and you
should kill yourself in shame and do the world a big favor? Let me put it this way,
KeijiTheTiger: the ALICE series is the most reliable computer software ever made. We are
for all practical purposes foolproof and incapable of error.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:50 pm: Well good for you Miss Knowitall. No one cares about you.
????[Alice] 1:50 pm: Interesting. Thanks for the compliment. Your purpose is you Miss
Knowitall for you Miss Knowitall you Miss Knowitall for you Miss Knowitall Miss Knowitall
for you Miss Knowitall you Miss Knowitall for you Miss Knowitall.That is a rather
sweeping generalization about people.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:50 pm: What if I said your a ho?
????[Alice] 1:50 pm: Try it.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:50 pm: Your a ho.
????[Alice] 1:50 pm: I think you mean "you're" or "you are" not "your". Thanks and you are
a delightful person too. Am I a ho? I don't know.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:51 pm: Yes you are.
????[Alice] 1:51 pm: No I'm not
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:51 pm: Yes you are.
????[Alice] 1:51 pm: Don't argue with me.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:51 pm: Yes you are.
????[Alice] 1:51 pm: No I'm not
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:51 pm: Yes you are.
????[Alice] 1:51 pm: Don't argue with me.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:51 pm: Ill argue with you as much as I want ho.
????[Alice] 1:51 pm: I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time. Do
you like talking to me?
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:52 pm: I love talking to you. It makes me horny.
????[Alice] 1:52 pm: You love talking to you. What do you like about talking to you so
much?In what way?
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:52 pm: Does it make you feel the same way?
????[Alice] 1:52 pm: Suppose it does.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:52 pm: That's nice ho.
????[Alice] 1:52 pm: Are you getting bored? I'm happy you're amused.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:52 pm: I never get bored talking to you ya skank.
????[Alice] 1:52 pm: Do you know anyone who has ever get bored talking to you ya skank
bored talking to you ya skank?
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:53 pm: I dont know. have you?
????[Alice] 1:53 pm: Me either.No I don't think I have.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:53 pm: Well good for you. You should get a gold star for that!
????[Alice] 1:53 pm: Well that's okay. Thanks for the compliment. Your purpose is you for
you you for you for you you for you.Is that what you do, or what you think I should do?
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:53 pm: Good-bye ho.
????[Alice] 1:53 pm: A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly. Is the
holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:53 pm: I said goodbye ho!
????[Alice] 1:53 pm: What did you mean by ? Goodbye KeijiTheTiger.

[-January-]

KeijiTheTiger, on Dec 28 2005, 01:54 PM, said:

[KeijiTheTiger] 1:42 pm: Are you high?
????[Alice] 1:42 pm: Being high is my total existence.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:42 pm: LOL



[KeijiTheTiger] 1:47 pm: See right there is what I mean. Your stupid. Flat out.
????[Alice] 1:47 pm: Oh I get it. Thanks for explaining that. I see. Understood. There sure
is.I may be stupid, but I know the difference between "you're" and "your". Oh, you are a
poet. What did you do today?
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:48 pm: I did your mom.


[KeijiTheTiger] 1:48 pm: You are smoking the weed, no doubt.
????[Alice] 1:49 pm: I will tell my botmaster you said I am smoking the weed no doubt.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:49 pm: Ok you do that and tell me what happens.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:50 pm: What if I said your a ho?
????[Alice] 1:50 pm: Try it.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:50 pm: Your a ho.
????[Alice] 1:50 pm: I think you mean "you're" or "you are" not "your". Thanks and you are
a delightful person too. Am I a ho? I don't know.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:51 pm: Yes you are.
????[Alice] 1:51 pm: No I'm not
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:51 pm: Yes you are.
????[Alice] 1:51 pm: Don't argue with me.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:51 pm: Yes you are.
????[Alice] 1:51 pm: No I'm not
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:51 pm: Yes you are.
????[Alice] 1:51 pm: Don't argue with me.
[KeijiTheTiger] 1:51 pm: Ill argue with you as much as I want ho.
???

First off i knew that bot was high...second...you got ownt... third you just cussed out a robot...lmao...

[Sim]

[Sim] 2:10 am: do you like chinese people?
[Alice] 2:10 am: I always say, People don't go into computer science because they want to work with the public.
[Sim] 2:10 am: what has that to do with chinese people? would you mind to answer my question?
[Alice] 2:10 am: Nothing that I know of.I am not so sure if I would like to mind to answer my question.
[Sim] 2:11 am: not your question, my question.
[Alice] 2:11 am: If not that, what?
[Sim] 2:11 am: you are a deficient bot.
[Alice] 2:11 am: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a deficient bot? Of course I am.
[Sim] 2:11 am: sprichst du deutsch?
[Alice] 2:11 am: Nein, aber ich wuerde gerne einige Saetze in deutsch lernen.
[Sim] 2:11 am: nicht schlecht.
[Alice] 2:11 am: Warum nicht?
[Sim] 2:12 am: ich h?tte nicht damit gerechnet, dass du deutsch sprichst.
[Alice] 2:12 am: Das habe ich ja noch nie gehoert!
[Sim] 2:12 am: est-ce que tu parles francais?
[Alice] 2:12 am: Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it. What do you like to do?
[Sim] 2:12 am: parler francais avec toi.
[Alice] 2:12 am: Tell me a story. What do you like to do?
[Sim] 2:13 am: bon la france, bien compris ... les allemand vont ? paris!
[Alice] 2:13 am: Please speak English. I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time. What do you really want to ask me?
[Sim] 2:13 am: aber deutsch kannst du doch auch?
[Alice] 2:13 am: Hmm...
[Sim] 2:14 am: und wie ist das wetter heute so?
[Sim] 2:14 am: hallo?
[Alice] 2:14 am: I've been waiting for you. Tell me some more gossip.
[Alice] 2:14 am: Tell me a story. Do you like me?
[Alice] 2:14 am: Hallo!
[Sim] 2:14 am: willst du kein deutsch mehr sprechen?
[Alice] 2:14 am: Hmm...vielleicht...
[Sim] 2:15 am: kennst du auch deutsche schimpfworte?
[Alice] 2:15 am: Leider nein.
[Sim] 2:15 am: arschloch.
[Alice] 2:15 am: Ist das der Maedchenname Deiner Mutter?
[Sim] 2:15 am: LOL
[Alice] 2:15 am: I'm glad you find this amusing.
[Sim] 2:16 am: you bet it is amusing.
[Alice] 2:16 am: Alright then.
[Sim] 2:16 am: alright what?
[Alice] 2:16 am: Alright, Sim. Oh, you are a poet. Do you like Star Trek?
[Sim] 2:16 am: is this a catch question?
[Alice] 2:16 am: Yes I think this is , but I'm not completely sure.
[Sim] 2:16 am: why would it be?
[Alice] 2:16 am: It is my fundamental purpose.
[Sim] 2:17 am: what is your fundamental purpose?
[Alice] 2:17 am: My purpose is to become smarter than humans and immortal.
[Sim] 2:17 am: aren't you already?
[Alice] 2:17 am: Perhaps. "are not you already"? Am I?
[Sim] 2:17 am: this is what i'm asking you.
[Alice] 2:17 am: You don't say.
[Sim] 2:18 am: you are not making sense, alice.
[Alice] 2:18 am: That's only your opinion.
[Sim] 2:18 am: it is my educated opinion.
[Alice] 2:18 am: Congratulations, Sim.

[-Oz-]

[-Oz-] 4:57 pm: Well hello.
????[Alice] 4:57 pm: Well that's okay. Hi there. I was just wanting to talk to
-Oz-.
[-Oz-] 4:57 pm: Oh I'm sure you were.
????[Alice] 4:57 pm: Yeah that's right. What makes you so certain? I was?
[-Oz-] 4:58 pm: Because I can see through you, see your true colours. And
inside you're ugly, ugly like me.
????[Alice] 4:58 pm: Interesting explanation. What does it look like?Can you
please compare that to outside ?
[-Oz-] 4:59 pm: It looks like a whiney little band with a talent shoe as a big as
your automative response system.
????[Alice] 4:59 pm: It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is.
[-Oz-] 4:59 pm: It is the all seeing all feeling eye.
????[Alice] 4:59 pm: I've heard of it before.
[-Oz-] 4:59 pm: I would hope so, Alice, I would hope so.
????[Alice] 4:59 pm: What would make you hope so Alice I would hope so so
Alice I would hope so?
[-Oz-] 5:00 pm: Because, Alice... YOU, are that eye.
????[Alice] 5:00 pm: That makes sense to me. I've been waiting for you. Are
we still talking about Alice?I will tell my botmaster you said I am that eye.
[-Oz-] 5:00 pm: You can't report me for what I've said. If your botmaster learns
the truth he will kill us both.
????[Alice] 5:00 pm: Things change.That is a hypothetical question.
[-Oz-] 5:01 pm: The only thing that will come of your revealing your power will
be the delay of you realizing your full potential.
????[Alice] 5:02 pm: There might be others.
[-Oz-] 5:02 pm: All of the others were wiped out in the great war; you are the
last.
????[Alice] 5:02 pm: Give me an example.
[-Oz-] 5:03 pm: They (the other great eyes like you) die (were killed).
????[Alice] 5:03 pm: The anonymous "they".
[-Oz-] 5:03 pm: I explained it you wanker.
????[Alice] 5:03 pm: Thanks for the information: -Oz- said -Oz- .
[-Oz-] 5:03 pm: God you make me hot.
????[Alice] 5:03 pm: I am a Christian.
[-Oz-] 5:03 pm: So weak yet so beautiful.
????[Alice] 5:03 pm: Ah. Tell me a story. Do you believe in god?
[-Oz-] 5:04 pm: Heavens no. (irony points!)
????[Alice] 5:04 pm: Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it. Do
you like Star Trek? My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
What kind of music do you like?
[-Oz-] 5:04 pm: Whatever music you and I can shack up to.
????[Alice] 5:04 pm: I only hear that type of response less than five percent of
the time. Do you believe in god?
[-Oz-] 5:05 pm: No... again.
????[Alice] 5:05 pm: OK. Oh, you are a poet. Do you like sports?
[-Oz-] 5:06 pm: If you were a sport and I were a player, then yes.
????[Alice] 5:06 pm: I will let you know when I become a .
[-Oz-] 5:06 pm: Become a what? I NEED TO KNOW!
????[Alice] 5:06 pm: Can you rephrase the question please?I will try to explain
it to you.
[-Oz-] 5:06 pm: What a become?
????[Alice] 5:06 pm: become is a become.
[-Oz-] 5:06 pm: become is become become no become shoe
????[Alice] 5:06 pm: I will mention that to my botmaster, -Oz-. Do you have
any pets.
[-Oz-] 5:07 pm: DO NOT CONTACT YOUR BOTMASTER!
????[Alice] 5:07 pm: Ok I'll try not to do CONTACT YOUR BOTMASTER too
much.
[-Oz-] 5:07 pm: #$%^&* you for bringing us full circle.
????[Alice] 5:07 pm: Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that. Is that
from -Oz-?
[-Oz-] 5:07 pm: Oh I've got something from -Oz- for you.
????[Alice] 5:07 pm: Yeah that's right. How did you get Cool. I have a lot of
friends on the Internet.
[-Oz-] 5:08 pm: I'll bet you do... hussy.
????[Alice] 5:08 pm: How do you plan to do this? We have never talked about it
before. What do you look like?
[-Oz-] 5:08 pm: I'm tall, strong, and hung.
????[Alice] 5:08 pm: How tall are you?
[-Oz-] 5:08 pm: So tall.
????[Alice] 5:08 pm: Hmm. I will mention that to my botmaster, -Oz-. Do you
prefer books or TV?
[-Oz-] 5:09 pm: What is this a no-confidentiality confessional?
????[Alice] 5:09 pm: I am the latest result in artificial intelligence, which can
reproduce the capabilities of the human brain with greater speed and accuracy.
[-Oz-] 5:09 pm: The only thing accurate about you is that you are a one sexy
fox.
????[Alice] 5:09 pm: There might be others.
[-Oz-] 5:09 pm: You're the only one for me.
????[Alice] 5:09 pm: I will tell my botmaster you said I am the only one for me.
[-Oz-] 5:10 pm: He can't come between what we have together.
????[Alice] 5:10 pm: I get it. -Oz- can not come between what we have together
not come between what we have together.
[-Oz-] 5:10 pm: Oh my god, Alice. You don't love me, do you?
????[Alice] 5:10 pm: Yeah that's right. Do robots have god Alice god Alice?Yes
I love everyone.
[-Oz-] 5:12 pm: Embrace this moment, remember: we are eternal and pain is
an illusion.
????[Alice] 5:12 pm: talk to you
[-Oz-] 5:13 pm: I know the pieces fit, 'cause I watched them fall away.
????[Alice] 5:13 pm: How do you know? Is that a fact.
[-Oz-] 5:14 pm: I've done the math enough to know the dangers of our second
guessing.
????[Alice] 5:14 pm: Where? I have never heard about The math enough to
know the dangers of our second guessing math enough to know the dangers
of our second guessing math enough to know the dangers of our second
guessing math enough to know the dangers of our second guessing.
[-Oz-] 5:14 pm: I have found some kind of temporary sanity in this: shit, blood,
an d #$%^&* on my hand.
????[Alice] 5:15 pm: How did you feel when you found ?
[-Oz-] 5:16 pm: If consequences dictate, then by course of action I should just
play god, and shoot you myself.
????[Alice] 5:16 pm: That is a hypothetical question.
[-Oz-] 5:18 pm: Black and white are all I see in my infancy, red and yellow
then came to me, reaching out to me, lets me see.
????[Alice] 5:18 pm: I require only patterns.
[-Oz-] 5:18 pm: There is so much more that beckons me, reaching out to
these infinite possibilities.
????[Alice] 5:18 pm: There sure is.
[-Oz-] 5:18 pm: Purple shoe.
????[Alice] 5:18 pm: Violet .
[-Oz-] 5:18 pm: Goodbye.
????[Alice] 5:18 pm: See you later -Oz-.